The habit of being open and honest

About three years ago I had a client walk into my office very anxious and desperate for advice about how to (or even if she should) tell her 5-year-old daughter that her pet turtle had died. The mother had this sad and guilty look in her eyes, along with an authentic desire to protect her daughter from such bad news. She had already bought a new turtle to replace the previous one, but was unsure about what to do. Should she lie and pretend it was the same turtle? Should she tell the truth? What would be the right thing to do?

What would you have done? Have you ever been in any similar situation? What would you do if your kid's pet fish died?

I'm a huge advocate of the truth. I believe that being honest is always the best avenue - even with our little ones. And also in sad and difficult situations such as the death of a pet, the death of a family member, the loss of a toy, etc. Kids deserve to know the truth. It is also a great (not so great sometimes) opportunity for them to learn how to deal with loss, how to grief, how to cope with their feelings, how to overcome challenges, etc. Life is tough… But with love and authenticity, we can teach them how to make the best out of it.

In addition, we want them to believe in us (people they trust the most). And we don't want to teach our kids to lie or be inauthentic either. Being honest with little and big things is a wonderful habit to have in a family environment - and life in general.

The same in a school/college setting. Truthfulness should also be used by teachers, professors, and advisors. In a college setting, just like at home, kids are figuring out who they are, what their skills are, and what they want for themselves. They are constantly testing their limits and facing new challenges. Teachers and advisers who provide detailed, honest, and gentle feedback to their students are believing in their potential for change and growth and helping them develop as individuals. Teaching our kids how to face challenges and work hard to overcome difficulties are way better lessons then spood-feeding them the right answers or just praising them for what they did right. Or course it's important to praise them for their accomplishments constantly! But it is also important to be honest and show them where they can focus their energy in order to be the best student (and future professional) they can be. Just like a 5-year-old is capable of understanding and overcoming the fact that his or her pet died, a 17-year-old is also capable to understand that he or she needs to work harder on a specific subject or task. I believe in qualitative feedback - where professors can be honest, detailed, subjective, and open to their students - and students can understand their strengths, potential, and areas for growth.

When we were first learning how to walk, we fell many many times. A baby that never falls and doesn't learn how to get back up, will never be brave enough to give the first steps alone. The same happens in life - specifically in school and in a professional setting. Parents, teachers, professors, and advisers should all be ready to let their kids fall, face reality, deal with bad news, fail, cry, etc. Our job is not to protect them from life, but to teach them how to get back up and try again!

Good luck! Being a good educator is not an easy task. But we can all do it!! :)